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Redefining Asexuality: Pleasure & Journey to Self-Discovery


Sept 5, 2023


Grace Guan

asexuality and pleasure, do asexual people masturbate

You’ve probably had or known someone who’s had a relationship that’s “no strings attached.” It’s easy to understand sex without love, but for some reason people have a hard time making sense of the opposite. Enter: asexuality. You can think of it as love without (or with little) sex. There’s so much nuance to cover when it comes to any sexual orientation, but asexuality in particular is often misunderstood. So, let’s clear up some common misconceptions and questions that people might have like how do you know if you’re asexual? Can an asexual person fall in love? And can asexual people feel aroused?

What is asexuality? 

Asexuality or being asexual is the complete or partial lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sexual activity with others (Human Rights Campaign). Like any other sexual orientation, it exists on a spectrum with asexual people experiencing no, little, or conditional sexual attraction. Within asexuality there are nuances like:

Demisexual: People who only experience sexual attraction once they form a strong emotional connection with another person. 

Grey-A: People who identify somewhere between sexual and asexual. 

So, contrary to popular belief, asexuality is not the absence of sexuality, it’s just a low or absent interest in sexual activity with others. And it’s very real – in fact, 1% of the population identify as asexual. 

How to know if you’re asexual? 

Sexuality is a constant and continuous journey of self-exploration. It’s fluid and it changes throughout your life and only you know yourself best. If you feel like you fall under the asexual orientation, get curious and don’t be too strict with yourself. Maybe the partner you are with is actually not the right fit for you, or maybe you genuinely feel disinterested in sex. Remember, you can identify as asexual, but also experience sexual attraction sometimes. Also, you can always change your mind. What’s most important is that you to listen to yourself, your body, and explore what works for you. 

Can asexual people fall in love or have a partner? 

100%! Of course an asexual person can fall in love – remember love does not mean sex or getting physical. It’s human to crave love, and connection, and just because you don’t crave sex does not mean you don’t need the former. People who identify as asexual can have deep, loving, and meaningful relationships with their friends, partners, and peers. It’s all about navigating a relationship with boundaries that work for you through open communication. 

Do asexual people get aroused? 

Yup, remember asexuality is not the absence of sexuality. Asexual people can experience the desire to masturbate, watch and enjoy porn, experiment with kinks, and even choose to have sex. Masturbation and self-stimulation can be just as enjoyable for an asexual person since they can have the same level or even high levels of libido as an allosexual person (someone who is sexually attracted to others). The only difference is that they don’t feel sexual attraction to another person, so having sex with another person isn’t necessarily appealing. 

Do asexual people use sex toys? 

Of course, exploring your sexuality and exploring your body is key in understanding who you are and what you like. A great way is to get comfortable with what arouses and stimulates you before you figure out if you want the same with someone else. Whether you prefer manual stimulation or introducing toys, it’s all up to experimentation! 

Being asexual is a lot more nuanced than most people understand. Knowing whether you are or aren’t is a personal journey that may take years, or may change as years pass. It’s always important to listen to yourself, and what you want out of a relationship. And remember, not to let labels scare you away from how you feel or what you want. You can start your journey of personal exploration with fonder’s selection of latex-free, discreet vibrators.

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